When is appropriation appropriate?

The other day I was arguing with my college-age daughter about "cultural misappropriation"--indiscriminate or exploitative adoption of elements of another culture's tradition. We disagreed about the best response to uninformed, but sincerely motivated curiosity, debating a question raised by an illustration in an essay she showed me: Is a Lebanese woman justified in feeling angry that an American buys a derbake (a Lebanese drum) only because he wants to take it home and tap on it a bit?

It's a complicated question. Much depends on the American's awareness (or lack thereof) that the derbake might be a potent cultural symbol. Knowing that, if he did, how should he behave?

I was reminded of the issue today when I came upon a comment by Daniel Barenboim, who has just conducted the Chicago Symphony for the last time as its music director:

In the hotel where I stay, they think that it is very culturally minded to play classical music in the elevator, or in the foyers of concert halls before the concert. And I have been on more than one occasion subjected to having to hear, because I cannot shut my ears, the Brahms violin concerto in the lift, having to conduct it in the evening. And I ask myself, why? This is not going to bring one more person into the concert hall. It is not only counter-productive, but I think--if we are allowed to speak of musical ethics--it is absolutely offensive.

Barenboim is alleging cultural misappropriation. I'm sure he's right that Brahms in the elevator won't send anyone to the concert hall